The Day(s) After Daniel Was Born

I usually intend my posts to be funny.  There isn't much funny about this one.  No matter how minor the problem, when you find out there is something wrong with your newborn baby, it's devastating.  Here I'll tell you about it....


I didn't get to bed the night Daniel was born until about 4am.  I sat in the recovery room for about 2 hours, and cried because there were no private rooms.  No private rooms meant that I had to go sleep in a room with some random person. Nobody was allowed to come with me! I hated it.  I finally got to my room around 3:30. My "roommate" was hysterical crying.  I didn't want to say anything so I pretended I was sleeping.  At about 5:00 the courier came to pick up the cord blood and then at 6:00 Daniel was delivered to me so I could feed him.  I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and there was nobody around to help me.  I tried my best, and that was that.  It was amazing holding him and attempting to feed him.  He latched on very well and I fed him for quite a while. At around 7:00 the nursery staff came and took him back to the nursery.  Between 7:00 and 10:00 so much happened.  My gyn came to check on me, a nurse came to take blood, another Dr. came in to check on me. I slept for maybe 2 hours all night.  


Something's wrong with my baby?!?!?
At 10:00 Daniel's pediatrician came in to see me and told me that there was something wrong.  She explained to me that Daniel was born with too many red blood cells which, if not taken care of immediately, could have been very bad. She told me effective immediately Daniel would have to stay in the nursery and have IV fluid.  She tried to break it lightly, but running on no sleep, have just given birth, and being in a room with a stranger, I completely broke down.  I cried... (almost) the entire time I was in the hospital.  I googled the condition and it made it a million times worse.  I cried even harder.  Another pediatrician came in about an hour later and yelled at me-"What are you crying about? No crying here! Stop crying!!!" She explained the condition as being dehydrated, but that's not what google said, so I continued to cry.

Me Crying

It was the day after Daniel was born at around 1:30 and he still didn't have a name.  I LOVED the name Daniel and wanted (my whole pregnancy) to name him Daniel after my dad.  Timothy LOVED the name Ryan.  It was either going to be Ryan Daniel or Daniel Ryan.  We flipped a coin. I chose heads, and I won! I was so happy, I stopped crying for about 5 minutes.  


Somehow I held it together when visitors came.  I didn't even really know and understand what was wrong with Daniel, so I didn't want to have to break the news to everyone else.  I just told everyone he was dehydrated. I didn't want to talk about because I would have started to cry again.

Me, Mimi, PamPam, and Grandma looking at Daniel

Mimi, me and Daniel

  


I tried very hard, but I couldn't stop crying. Everyone on the floor had their babies with them and mine was confined to the nursery.  I wasn't even allowed to feed him.  They had to monitor the amount of fluids he was getting every 2-3 hours, so I wasn't even able to nurse him.  This was even more devastating. I stayed with him in the nursery as much as possible, but some of the nurses weren't very welcoming.  I felt like I didn't even know my own baby. 

Watching someone else feed my baby.

It was Memorial Day weekend so I'm assuming the best staff wasn't working. Nobody advised me and I walked the halls aimlessly when no visitors were allowed.  My roommate had some crazy, religious music playing and was singing crazy songs.  I went to the nursery when I was "allowed", but even then I never really felt welcome. On Saturday morning I went in to see Daniel. A nurse was feeding him and told me she felt bad that I had planned on nursing and now wasn't going to be able to.  WHAT?!?!? I wasn't going to be able to nurse? Another nurse explained that if I wanted to even have a chance of being able to nurse Daniel, I would have to start pumping.  Once the nursing staff came in for the day, I explained that I need a breast pump.  The nurse told me that they save the pumps for their NICU moms and I wasn't allowed to have one.  She gave me a manual breast pump (yeah, it's probably exactly how you're picturing it.. one boob at a time).  I laid in my bed "pumping".  Nothing was coming out.  I was determined to make it work and continued to try when I got home. 


On Saturday afternoon it was time for me to be discharged, but Daniel was going to have to stay in the hospital. Talk about crying.... 


The first night home was horrible. It may sound weird, but after carrying a baby for 9 months and then being separated from him, it was tough. Everyone told me to enjoy a good night sleep, but that was impossible.  I was without my baby for the first time in 9 months.  I slept a little and cried a lot.  I got up the next day very early, so I could return to the hospital to see Daniel.